High-Functioning Anxiety in Autistic Women
- helen
- May 16
- 2 min read
Yes, but what's really going on?
On the outside, you might look calm, capable, and be successful. You meet deadlines, show up for others, keep everything and everyone organised. But underneath, there’s a quiet, relentless buzz of anxiety, one that rarely switches off.
Think of a swan gently gliding over the surface of a lake. And that's what anxiety can look and feel like for autistic women and girls. And it’s often misunderstood or entirely missed.
But let's take a moment to explore what's really going on:
Overthinking every interaction: replaying conversations for hours, worried you said the wrong thing.
A deep fear of making mistakes: especially if you grew up being told you were “too much” or “too intense.”
Conversation scripting: preparing and practising in advance, in the hope the words come out in the right order.
People-pleasing as a survival tactic: saying yes when you mean no, masking discomfort to avoid conflict.
Perfectionism that’s not about ego, but safety. If it’s perfect, maybe they won’t criticise you.
Exhaustion from masking: spending the day performing neurotypically, only to collapse the moment you’re alone. Perhaps you then need a day of complete solitude just to be able to function the following day.
A constant need to be “productive": because rest feels unsafe.
What makes this kind of anxiety “high-functioning” is that it's hidden behind competence. Chances are, you'll even be praised for your attention to detail, empathy, or reliability. You're the go-to person on the team. All whilst silently burning out to exhaustion inside.
If this resonates, you’re not alone. Many autistic women carry trauma from years of being misunderstood or expected to adapt without support. High-functioning anxiety is not a character flaw, it’s a nervous system stuck in survival mode, with hypervigilance keeping you alert (and exhausted).
Counselling offers a space where you can unmask safely, explore what’s underneath the over-functioning, and begin to believe and then trust that there is another way. And that way honours your capacity and respects your needs.
You’re allowed to exhale, to take up space. You’re allowed to be seen, just as you are.
Comments